


24 Things part 5

by shniam



Series: 24 Things [5]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Metro article, dry humour, practising oral sex, use of bananas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2186154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shniam/pseuds/shniam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 5 of '24 Things' where Harry has an article from Metro that discusses 24 horrible sex truths</p><p>Number 5 - Giving oral sex will make you gag and think you’re about to throw up approximately 67,542 times throughout your entire life.</p><p>Harry shows Zayn how to give a blow job without gagging - by practising on a banana!</p>
            </blockquote>





	24 Things part 5

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry, I have no idea where this one came from!
> 
> This is number five from the list of 24 Horrible Sex Truths.
> 
> As is usual, this is all fiction - we know that Harry likes bananas but everything else is made up
> 
> hope you like it and thank you for the kudos so far :-)

#5 Giving oral sex will make you gag and think you’re about to throw up approximately 67,542 times throughout your entire life

  
One of the main requests in the One Direction rider was fresh fruit, in particular bananas. It was pretty common knowledge that Harry liked the yellow fruit and that he would have three or four a day. Comments had been made regarding his potassium levels but he would just shrug and say ‘I like them’.

  
When Zayn entered the dressing room to change his t-shirt for the concert he wasn’t surprised to see Harry there, banana in one hand and phone in the other. “Ok Haz?” he asked as he buttoned his shirt part way.

“Yeah, just texting me mum. They’re hoping to come out to the next concert.”

“Cool, be good to see them.”

“Yeah, been a while since I’ve been home.” Harry nodded as he put his phone down.

“Well, if you went to Cheshire instead of LA you might get to see them.” Zayn frowned as he watched Harry peel his banana. “You really do that arse about face.” He flopped into a chair opposite the sofa Harry was occupying.

“So everyone says, never really thought about it. Anyway, if I went to Holmes Chapel the village would be swamped. Sometimes it’s easier to go to LA and get mum and Robin to come out.”

“’spose.” Zayn found himself fixing his stare on Harry’s mouth as the banana was almost swallowed whole before being bitten off. “How the fuck do you do that?”

Harry held a finger up as he chewed his mouthful before swallowing. “Do what?

Zayn waived a finger towards the banana. “Manage to get it almost in whole. Don’t you gag or summat? Fuck, it’s like watching a porno!”

Harry practically giggled. “Don’t know, guess I don’t have a gag reflex or something. And a porno? Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s like watching you go down on someone. You do this thing where you open your mouth and angle your head before, like, taking it in. Really is pornographic.” Zany shook his head in an attempt to rid the images from his mind. It didn’t help.

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh.” Was all he said before he bit into the last bite of banana and threw the skin in the bin. “You know, people always say it’s like watching someone give head.” He added thoughtfully.

“Yes, thats because it’s a phallic object.” Zayn’s tone slightly condescending. “It’s why it’s used for putting condoms on in sex ed. classes.”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” He picked up another banana and studied it. “Maybe they should be used for practising blow jobs.”

Zayn stared across to the sofa, his ‘what-the-fuck?’ going unsaid but fully understood.

“Well that way no-one would ever give a shit one, everyone would know how to get the right angle and not gag.”

“You’ve thought about this.” Not so much a question but more of a statement. Zayn still giving Harry ‘the look’.

“I like bananas.”

“So do I, doesn’t mean I want to give it a blow job though!”

Tipping his head slightly to the side Harry studied Zayn’s face. “Have you ever given one?”

Zayn lifted an eyebrow as his lips formed a smirk. “What? A blowie?”

Harry leaned forward so his forearms rested on his thighs, fingers linked together. “Yeah. Have you?”

Zayn shifted on his seat and suddenly found his fingernails very interesting. “No, can’t say I have.”

“Really? I’m kinda surprised. So you and Liam...you’ve never...?”

“No!” Said Zayn, slightly taken aback.

Harry’s only answer was a slight ‘hmmm’ before holding out the banana. “Here, have a go.”

“Have a go at what? Giving head to a banana?”

Harry waived the fruit at Zayn, “Yeah, go on.” Zayn blinked at Harry but remained still. “Go on,” Harry encouraged, “Look if you don’t practice you’ll never be any good.”

“What makes you think that I want to be any good?”

Harry shrugged his lips, “True, but you don’t want to gag on your first time. Mind you according to Metro most people tend to gag or feel like they’re gonna up-chuck when going down on someone, anyway.”

“So what’s the point of ‘practicing’ then?” Zayn hoped this could be his get out clause.

“Because that way you know your limits and you at least look like you know what you’re doing!” Harry thought that it was obvious and waived the banana at Zayn again.

Knowing that Harry was not going to give up, Zayn sighed and leaned forward to take the offered fruit. “Plus you get to eat it after!” Harry’s cheerful add-on lightened the mood and Zayn just chuckled and shook his head. Was he really going to do this?!

Zayn fell back against the back rest and twirled the banana in his fingers. “Ok but you have some fucked up ideas!” He broke the top of the banana and peeled the skin down the sides and looked at it – damn phallic object, really didn’t look any better with the top exposed. Shaking his head, Zayn sat up and leaned forward trying to copy the angle that Harry used. Opening his mouth wide he lowered his lips down to take in as much of the flesh as he could. As the tip hit the back of his throat Zayn felt his gag reflexes kick in and his eyes began to water, Harry’s hand touched his own and the tilt of the banana changed. When Zayn looked down he had nearly three quarters of the fruit in his mouth and a sense of pride filled him. Glancing up at Harry, Zayn brought his lips down and then bit into the flesh, his eyes grinning when he saw Harry wince.

“Mate, do that for real and you won’t make any friends!”

Once he’d finished his mouthful Zayn started laughing. “That’s one mouthful I wouldn’t want!”

As Harry joined in Niall entered the room stripping his t-shirt off as he walked. “Mind sharing?” He asked.

“Oh we were discussing gagging when giving blow jobs.” Zayn explained as he wiped his eyes.

“Yeah, that sucks. Literally! Nothing worse than being half way through a good blowie and you start gagging.” Niall pulled the shirt off his head and threw it on a table before searching through the racks and finding the right top and pulling it on. “Mind you, not unusual to gag, happens most times. Practised on bananas meself.”

Zayn stared after Niall as he walked out the room. What was it with this band?!


End file.
